crevette: (Elven Vampire: LaughingImp)
Did you realize that I haven't done this since MAY? Where has the time gone? I mean, an entire season has gone by since I've last picked up this fucking book.

For those just joining in, we have seven previous chapters of this trainwreck illustrious work of literature.

Chapter 1 Better known as You All Suck.

Chapter 2 Better known as You All Suck PART DUEX subtitled Why do you all hate me this much?"

Chapter 3 Better known as You All Suck--part trois (pronounced TWAT) Subtitled "MY EYES MY EYES MY EYES!"

Chapter 4 Better known as "Verily, you all still suck--part quarte" subtitled "When will the hurting stop?"

Chapter 5 Better known as "You All Suck. STILL." Subtitled, "I will never have sex again after reading this. I am doomed to deep, meaningful gazes across crowded rooms followed by energetic pollination with a magnolia tree."

Chapter 6 Better known as "You All Suck--For the Sixth time.. Subtitled: "Why I hate my life."

Chapter 7 Better known as "We can haz pyrates nao?" Subtitled: "The Chapter That Broke Me." (not unlike "The Spy Who Loved Me" but without the sexyness of James Bond, the cool theme music, the awesome gadgets, the riveting storyline, the great writing and the plot continuity. So, in other words, NOTHING like "The Spy Who Loved Me".)

So in order to refresh both my and your memories about what happened in Chapter 7, I am going to go back and read my review since I sure as Hell don't like ANYONE ON THIS PLANET enough to re-read the chapter itself.

..... .... .... ... ..

FUCK ME GENTLY WITH A CHAINSAW! THIS BOOK SUCKS! HOW DID I FORGET HOW MUCH THIS BOOK SUCKS?????? It's like when I was a kid and didn't realize the Village People were gay!

Jesus wept )
crevette: (writer)
For the record, it was either doing this or going out and watching Wayne's World II with Liv. In fact, while typing that last sentence I went out and watched them do the YMCA thingie in the gay club and laughed. And then I remembered I had to come back and do this.

I do have hope, though. The number of comments has dropped off with each chapter, and with luck no one would miss this if I quit in a chapter or two.

That's me being hopeful, of course.

Eternity of Blood by V. Graham, chapter seven.

Before I go any further, I must once again state that I did not write this. I do not claim to have written this book, I do not claim to have come up with the characters, the plot, the FUCKING PIRATES, nothing, nada, nyet, zip, zed, zero, NOTHING IS MINE. I am reproducing the passages under fair use doctrine and am also reproducing all spelling, punctuation and (lack of) grammar as in the book.

All of it--every last word and mangled comma--belongs to LaVerne, and boy am I ever glad about that.

For those just joining in, we have six previous chapters of this trainwreck work of literature.

Chapter 1 Better known as You All Suck.

Chapter 2 Better known as You All Suck PART DUEX subtitled "Why do you all hate me this much?"

Chapter 3 Better known as You All Suck--part trois (pronounced TWAT) Subtitled "MY EYES MY EYES MY EYES!"

Chapter 4 Better known as "Verily, you all still suck--part quarte" subtitled "When will the hurting stop?"

Chapter 5 Better known as "You All Suck. STILL." Subtitled, "I will never have sex again after reading this. I am doomed to deep, meaningful gazes across crowded rooms followed by energetic pollination with a magnolia tree."

Chapter 6 Better known as "You All Suck--For the Sixth time.. Subtitled: "Why I hate my life."

When last we left our intrepid heroes, Lorelai Sue was off with a guy named Chris doing something spectacularly stupid in a haunted house. Gareth Stu was off doing... doing... doing... Fuck, I don't remember what he was doing. And I don't like you guys enough to go back and read this shit again to find out.

Anyways, onto chapter seven.

I can haz pyrates nao? )

And now for your coming attraction. I WAS looking for porn but I found this on page 298 instead. I can't stop laughing. So here:

Gareth felt a painfulness in his leg and turned, seeing a midget Vampire with a kitchen carving knife in his hand. He grabbed Gareth's leg and attempted to bite it, but Gareth grabbed him by the collar and lifted him up, shaking him.

He took the tiny man by the hair with one hand, and a leg with the other. The small man struggled, as Gareth tore him apart. He threw the head at Damian, and the body at a black Vampire who was rushing at him.

Vampiric dwarf tossing? OMG. OMG. OMG. I hate and love this book so much it really isn't funny any more.
crevette: (BOOF!)
I've been avoiding this. I'm admitting it.

But when faced with studying Products Liability Law and reading LaVerne, I'll choose... Law, actually. But I'm sort of burned out on it right now so I'll try to not toss my cookies reading yet another chapter of Eternity of Blood by V. Graham.

I will note for the record that I did not write this book. I do not claim to have written this book. I do not want anyone to ever think I wrote this book or anything resembling this book or anything in the same phylum, order, genus or species as this book. V. Graham/LaVerne Ross wrote this book and only she should receive credit for this book, its words, unique characters, and utterly imaginative masturbatory fantasy material. I have reproduced spelling, grammar and completely random punctuation just as it is in this book, tortured comma by mangled gerund. Any and all excerpts are used under fair use for review, and solely belong to V. Graham/LaVerne Ross forever and ever, Amen.

Chapter Six.

For those just new to the game, previous chapters are as follows:

Chapter 1 Better known as You All Suck.

Chapter 2 Better known as You All Suck PART DUEX subtitled "Why do you all hate me this much?"

Chapter 3 Better known as You All Suck--part trois (pronounced TWAT) Subtitled "MY EYES MY EYES MY EYES!"

Chapter 4 Better known as "Verily, you all still suck--part quarte" subtitled "When will the hurting stop?"

Chapter 5 Better known as "You All Suck. STILL." Subtitled, "I will never have sex again after reading this. I am doomed to deep, meaningful gazes across crowded rooms followed by energetic pollination with a magnolia tree."

Sense a theme?

Neither do I.

Anyways, when we last left our fearless heroine supernaturally gifted, half alien, romantically paralyzed and anally probed, retired jet fighter pilot Lorelai Sue, she'd just been energetically SEXXORED up against a tree by Gareth Stu, the half divine, fully alien, multiple personalitied, UFO debunking, jet fighter piloting, up-and-down-going-garage-door-fangs and travel toothbrush packing vampire (He's also hung like a bear, has a nice tush and dresses well) in what may well be one of the most horrifically, painfully badly written sex scenes ever written.

I can haz Wyld turkeyz, plz? )

And to whet your appetite for more of this ordeal, book I give you randomly picked porn from page 279:

Lorelai in a frenzy reached out and undone his pants, and then released him from his pants. He sprang into her hand, all nine inches of muscle that knew how to satisfy her, and she loved the feel of the velvet skin, as it pulsed in her hand.

You know, there are no words for that passage. Except maybe EW. Or ::sound of vomit in back of throat::, which I can't really type out.

The sad thing is, someone, somewhere, thinks that is SEXY.


Until next time, gentle readers. Urgh.
crevette: (BOOF!)
Okay, I've been remiss on this. Really, really remiss. 3 weeks?

But I've had four glasses of wine (whine?) and I'm eating mint chocolate chip italian ice so I'm ready for anything.

Let me just tell you that this particular chapter (Five) has pissed me off more than any other chapter of this book I've read yet. I'll tell you why when I get to the specific places.

Eternity of Blood by V. Graham. Chapter Five.

Previous chapters:

Chapter 1.
Chapter 2.
Chapter 3.
Chapter 4.

Let me state clearly for the record: I did not write this shit. I do not claim to have written this shit. I have written my own shit and none of my shit was like this shit. This shit is completely and totally shit that belongs to V. Graham/LaVerne Ross. Again, this is NOT my shit. This shit is hers--and only hers. All spelling shit, all punctuation shit, all grammar shit, all plot point shit = hers, reproduced exactly as in the shit book.

Back piercing=EPIC FAIL!!!! )

But Noooooo... They get back on their horses and ride into chapter six.

I think that LaVerne should have inserted the words, "Fucking her ass. Saving her life."into this sex scene. That would ROCK beyond words.

But, alas. It is not to be.
crevette: (Default)
I'm home today with a blistering headache and a low-grade fever. I ache and I feel like shit.

I'm stressing over work because I KNOW that my email box is overflowing with bitchy emails from customers I hate. I KNOW my voicemail is much the same. (I actually did go online from home for an hour to clean up some stuff but oh, there is so much shit left there)

You'd think I'd just want to curl up with a good book or something, right?

WRONG. Instead, I'm pulling out this book because I feel GUILTY that I haven't done chapter 4 yet. Because, as we say in the south, I'm 'tetched in the head. Which could mean either congenitally stupid, brain damaged or just plain dumb--depending on how you say it.

Given my propensity for freak accidents and the number of concussions I've racked up over the years, I'm going to go with 'Brain Damaged' and get this going.

Again I'm going to say clearly and without hesitation that any excerpts that I post are as they are in the book, reproduced in spelling, punctuation, plot points, what ever you want to call it for review purposes only, and under fair use copyright. I did not write these excerpts and I am not claiming to have written them. I'm feeling slightly dirty reproducing them, if you want the truth. Everything here belongs completely and utterly to V. Graham/LaVerne Ross and if you want more details, go to and buy the book because I sure as Hell don't like any of you enough to go back and search for salient plot points.

What has come before: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3.

..and here we go... )

And that's chapter 4.

I suppose I should give you your bad porn coming attraction, eh?

Okay, next chapter, Chapter 5, page 106:

Lorelai raised one leg to the outside of his and rubbed him harder. She had to see his dick, feel it against her skin. When his fingers moved inside her panties and touched her soft flesh, Lorelai looked up into his eyes seeing the dark smoldering look there. Reaching over she unzipped him, and reached in, finding the treasure.

Gareth rubbed between the lips swollen with need. Feeling the wetness, he slowly shoved one finger inside her, and felt her tighten on it with her velvet walls.

His member came out long, thick and rock hard. In her hand it twitched as she tried to place her fingers around it. Gareth put another finger inside her, and began to finger fuck her, as she started running her hand over his rod as pre-cum coated her fingers.

I don't think I can do this tonight. I really, really don't think I'm strong enough.
crevette: (Default)
Okay, my weekend is TOTALLY booked so if I want to get this done, it's now or never. I'm lubricated with a few (several) shots of Wild Turkey, I should be working on the very end of Mathieu so I can start rewrites but given my tendency to avoid writing, let's get going on this.

In case you missed them, the previous chapters of "Eternity of Blood" are Chapter 1 and Chapter 2.

Once again, I do not claim any of the writings of V. Graham, LaVerne Ross or any other pseudonym that comes up with cursed alien vampire jet pilot writers, debutante gunfighters, paranormal detective Mary Sues that also fly jets, six foot tall hairy muzzle-sharing demonic eyeballs, track-light illuminated woods or dogs that say "boof". Those and all associated plot points and characters belong solely to the author who is not, and will never by any stretch of any imagination or drunken writing (which I often do), me. Ever. All quotes are under fair use doctrine for a review, even if it is cruel and scathing. Because I am an evil, mean, cruel person who kicks puppies and picks on horrible books without mercy. (Please to remember that all passages from the book are reproduced exactly--and painfully--as printed. It is not sexy-time fun to type this way. It would be more fun to do the quotes from the book in LOLCAT and they might actually scan better but I'm too drunk to try that right now. Maybe chapter 4?)

And now that that is out of the way I give you chapter three )

And thus ends chapter three.

Did anything happen here? I'll let you decide, dear reader. I'm entirely too intoxicated to do much more than run a spell check, double check that all of the author's mistakes remain in there, and then press "Post".

Instead, I'll flip ahead randomly to page 279 and give you this coming attraction:

She just reached up and took it from him, and with a soft hand she took him and placed the red condom over his standing flesh. Then she pulled him on top of her, looking down at her, into her eyes.

Oy. Oy, oy, oy.

There is not enough booze in the world for this, is there?
crevette: (Elven Vampire: LaughingImp)
I tried to get this done earlier in the week.

I really, really did. I sat down with the book on Friday night since Liv was at a friend's house. I was reading it.

Then Thom turned on the shittiest 80s Chuck Norris movie that I've ever seen--like with this zombie guy killing people while this woman who vaguely resembled Adrienne Barbeau ran around in her underwear. I think my brain ran for the higher ground of that movie instead of this book.

I am mentioning once again that I am quoting from "Eternity of Blood" by V. Graham for review purposes only. I am not claiming to have written, conceived, dreamed of, wanted to dream of or write or conceive any of this book, her characters, her plot points, her issues, anything. Spelling and punctuation are reproduced exactly as per the book.

If you missed the review of chapter one, it is here.

Chapter two of this book runs from page 28 to page 51. I still can't fathom why I'm doing this... )

And we're done. I hope you enjoy my pain.

And now, I guess I should give you your random coming attraction, right?

::flips ahead::

Page 144

He lifted her skirt. This time he found only womanly flesh beneath the skirt. He reached down and cupped her mound, and leaned her back slightly so he could also lick at her breast, and tease them with his tongue. She moaned in spite of herself, at his touch. His rough fingers touched her and she knew it began to swell, as she felt the ache below that needed this man to take away.

This is 1/3 of the paragraph btw. 1/3 of a paragraph filled with WTF????

Nite all.
crevette: (Default)
Best. Book. Illustration. EVER.

My favorite part? The dog. BOOF BOOF BOOF BOOF BOOF BOOF!

(and yes, I looked ahead. The dog still BOOFs.)

All hail [ profile] barlidoc, uberBOOFmeister and illustrator of the garage door fangs.

crevette: (Elven Vampire: LaughingImp)
Okay, sooner begun, sooner done. That's what my grandmother always used to say whenever she told me to get my ass in gear on some Godawful odious task. Usually involving feces or urine or vomit or some such thing. Which might be preferable to this, truthfully.

Therefore, I present to you chapter one of Eternity Of Blood by V. Graham.

I must state that I am going to quote several passages from the book word-for-word, as written by the author. I am doing this under fair use doctrine, I have no intention of EVER claiming the author's words, characters or plot points (HA! RIiiiiight-O, there.) as my own. They belong to and are the sole and unique property of V. Graham/ LaVerne Ross/Whoever she is at this juncture in time/Whatever she will change her name to in the future.

To show you the merest tip of the iceburg, the slightest amount of pain I am currently in, I am going to transcribe for you--with no changes or commentary--the first three paragraphs of this book exactly as they appear, including punctuation.

I can't believe I'm doing this yet again... )



(is this where I give you the preview that I just saw when flipping ahead looking for pirate scenes? 'Damn he's huge.' Thought Lorelai as he drove into her so far in she thought he had pierced her back.


That, by the way, is page 107.)

I fucking hate you all for making me do this.
crevette: (Default)
Continuation to my last entry:

SHIT! She's finally finished her western, Debutante Gunfighter.

Ariana Crosby's best friend was her forty-five tied low on her left hip. But the southern belle discovers life ain't like in her famous daddy's stories. The gentler sex aren't welcome into the masculine world of gunfighters. The lady knows that those who live by the gun never retire, they die. Somehow she must find a way, to survive and to be with the man she loves. Handsome fellow gunhawk Nick Masters. All in this new version of the old western dime novel-chic/lit story.

Dear God in Heaven, help me.

Eternity of Blood was scary enough with this blurb:

Gorgeous, Navy Pilot, Gareth Hunter hides his secret well in the light of day.Until a beautiful paranormal investigator crosses his path. The mysterious alien council arrive with an ominous message and sends the couple to the future.Gareth must sacrifice it all, and take up the fangs again. All to stop Damian and prevent the vampire wars, and leaving humans as anything but food.Is he too late as the streets run red with blood, during a hurricane?

These books existing is proof positive that there is no Ceiling Cat.
crevette: (Elven Vampire: LaughingImp)
Ya'll remember LaVerne Ross' Night Travels of the Elven Vampire, right?

Well, thanks to the ::cough cough:: generous nature ::cough cough:: of [ profile] g_allen I have been given the new, improved, extended, porny REWRITE of that bad boy.

Photographic evidence: )

You will notice a few things here.

One: LaVerne changed her name. She has a new pseudonym, probably because of the fallout from the last book.

Two: She has learned her lesson and is not going through PublishAmerica any more. I am very pleased and happy to see this. She can be taught. Kudos to you, LaVerne. Seriously. I'm glad you got away from them.

This title is available through Lulu, which I understand is a much better, more ethical company to self-publish through. So again, Kudos to you, LaVerne.

Three: The print inside is MICROSCOPIC. I am entirely too old for this shit and need to get reading glasses in order to make out most of this.

Upon reflection, this might be a mercy.

Four: The book is no longer 98 3/4 pages of complete and utter shit. This book now clocks in at 305 pages.

Let me repeat that: A porny rewrite of Night Travels of the Elven Vampire with 305 pages.

I know you guys are in HEAVEN thinking about me reading this and my head going all 'splody all over the place.

Me, not so. I'm thinking the other place. The warm one with the overuse of earth tones.

I've read a few pages, a few passages here and there. I can say she has improved some things.

Alaric is no longer Alaric. He is now Gareth. He's not a cursed vampiric alien elven writer any more. He's now a cursed vampiric alien jet pilot.

No, no... stay with me here. It gets better.

Elspeth is no longer Elspeth, nor is she a paranormal psychic detective treasure hunter any more. As far as I can reckon, she is now Lorelai and is a military jet pilot who is hunting for a buried family treasure.

Alaric's brother Marti'el has lost his excess apostrophes and become Seleth. Which uses the second most used naming cliche in the genre, extrenious "th"s. (Making entire races sound like they have cleft palates since 1937! Win!)

Flipping through, I did note one thing. In the original book, there was a passage about Alaric and Elspeth going riding at night (Alaric on his white horse named 'Snowshadow'--retch) and I questioned in my little ranty Mcrant thing about how they could do so in the dark. I was flipping through and found this and it made me laugh SO HARD: (Snowshadow is still white but is now named 'Fehr')

A half hour later they were riding through the forest, relishing each others company. they had not spoken much as there didn't appear to be a great need for words. The horses were running together side by side along a well kept trail. The trail had track lighting along the sides.

First of all, APOSTROPHES BITCH. Secondly... Track lighting? TRACK LIGHTING???

Okay, I suspect that LaVerne may have read my harsh LJ entry about her book. And I did feel very, very badly for how far that has spread over the years--or I did until she blamed everyone else for the problem instead of recognizing that maybe the book... I don't know... sucked so hard it could take the chrome off of a trailer hitch through a garden hose?

This passage and others that I specifically mention are changed, though. So, yeah. LaVerne read it and actually took something out of it and tried to improve. Kudos again, LaVerne.

BUT, and this is a big, huge, honkin' BUT (much like mine), when you write something LOOK IT UP. Track lighting? Do me a favor, people... Image Google "Track Lighting". I'll wait.

Back? Okay. You should have gotten something like this.

That is NOT in the woods. Unless Gareth has a troop of gay men running ahead installing this so everything looks twee, no one is going to have track lighting in the woods or on a horse trail.

LaVerne, GOOGLE IT. ::sighs::

And paging ahead, it looks like they're going to have sex. Ugh.

Seriously, guys. I don't think I can do this. I'm not man enough. I'm not brave enough.

If nothing else, I don't think I can do it in one big chunk. Maybe chapter by chapter, but ...


Do you guys REALLY want me to do this to myself? I mean REALLY? Do you hate me that much?

Wait... don't answer that.

So then, if I could install a poll I'd have to ask three questions:

Do you want this review done chapter by chapter over a period of time?

In one lump sum?

Or not at all? (ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseGOD)
crevette: (Elven Vampire: LaughingImp)
I really don't know how to start with this one, except from the beginning--which is a very good place to start. Sorry, I've been retreating to my happy place since reading this book, and my happy place usually consists of musicals. Yet I'm not a gay man. Go figure.

[ profile] laughingimp, cursed be his name, provided the Alpha Bitch Club with a copy of "Night Travels of the Elven Vampire" by LaVerne Ross. Keep in mind that this is the same man who sent us a copy of The Star Wars Holiday Special which nearly caused me to spork my eyes out and open my jugular with dull grapefruit spoon.

He spent over $16 on this book, which in and of itself is a crime of epic proportions, and then he sent it to us with the requirement that I must read this book and write a review of it on LJ. Rat Bastard.

After reading 98 3/4 pages of complete and utter badness, I must report that I feel like a Goddess about my writing abilities. And I feel really confident about saying that. I mean, REALLY REALLY REALLY confident.

But... onto the review. I must note that I am going to quote several passages from this book, but am doing it under the fair use part of copyright law, for review purposes. There is no profit made from my use of these words, nor do I claim to have written them (Dear sweet Jesus God above NO!) in any way, shape or form. The characters of Alaric and Elspeth and Marti'el all belong to LaVerne Ross, and she is welcome to them.

I will be typing excerpts from the book EXACTLY as they are in the book including all puncutation, grammar, spelling, and *snerk* plot points. It will be physically painful for me to type like this, so pity me.

Welcome, good gentles to the horror that is Night Travels of the Elven Vampire, written by LaVerne Ross.

This book was published by PublishAmerica, a well known vanity publisher that will publish just about anything.

We opened the package that contained this book on Thursday night and recoiled instantly at the cover. You will notice the cover is a heavily pixelated photoshop jobbie of Orlando Bloom as Legolas. With fangs. And strange neon red blod droplets on his lips and collar. Yeah. I certainly hope someone notified New Line about THAT copyright infringement.

And the cover is actually the superior part of the book, boys and girls.

Let's just jump right into this bad boy. My thoughts/reactions are bolded here...

Our main characters are Elspeth...

Caution! Here be wrongness! )

Elspeth starts out as a treasure hunter. She evolves later on in the book into a paranormal detective with a curse (which is never really shown or stated exactly what it is, just that she's cursed).

Then we have Alaric: Remember, it physically HURTS to type this stuff...

Caution! Here be EVEN MORE wrongness! )

Yes, Alaric is a vampire. And he shapeshifts into a wolf. Alaric is also an Elf. It also turns out that Elves are aliens from the planet Telvron, where there are also sentient trees and unicorns. And he's telepathic too, because he talks to his brother Marti'el that way. So that makes Alaric an alien vampire werewolf psychic writer. Got that? Good. That way you won't get confuzzled when he becomes a pirate.

Alaric owns a pure white horse named "Snowshadow" and a wonderous dog named "King". He also likes to ride motorcycles.

Caution! Here be wrongness about the dog! )

King, it turns out, had been a medicine man in a previous life, and it's never mentioned why he was reincarnated as a technicolor impared sheepdog. But that's okay. I don't think I want to know. Really.

Then you have Alaric's brother Marti'el (who obviously got all the apostrophes that the author neglected to put everyplace else and is trying to find a cure for his brother's vampirism) and a whole bunch of psychic detective people that are used for one scene and then never show up again.

Now... the plot... *snickers*... Okay, this is a hard one.

Elspeth goes out one night to visit the cemetary where her family is buried. I assume it's somewhere near the woods of the damned.

While she's there, she encounters a wolf who turns into Alaric.


So Alaric tries to bite Elspeth, but realizes there is something "Unique" about her. I think this is a good example of "elegance" as described earlier in this review, strawberry scented "elegance", truth be told.

So he leaves her there, and then starts thinking about her. She starts thinking about him. The next night they get together, and they go out riding in the woods, him on 'Snowshadow' *snicker* and her on a mare. Somehow, the fact that they're in the woods and in the DARK and riding horses does not result in a broken leg for the horses or branches sweeping at least the human off of her saddle, but I digress.... (expect me to digress a lot here...)

So then they're in LURVE. And then Elspeth goes into a haunted house and sucked into an alternate universe where she's captured by... wait for it... brace for it... you know you want to know this... PIRATES!!! Yes! Pirates! "Francios Blaize Martien, Captain of the pirate ship SeaBlaize. You can call me Blaize."

And Blaize looks JUST like Alaric, who looks JUST like Legolas with dark hair, who looks just like Orlando Bloom who played a pira.... HEY!

And Blaize is set on defiling Elspeth as revenge for something, who really cares waht, but he wants to defile her, which is how I felt after reading this book, honestly. Defiled.

Caution! Cutting words! )

So then it turns out that this was just a test for Elspeth for the alien Elven council to see if she would be faithful to Alaric, so she reappears back in the haunted house where she's then kidnapped by a gargoyle! Yes! A gargoyle! Let's leave no poor innocent demonic creature unmolested!

The gargolye takes her to some of Alaric's enemies who want to kill Alaric for being unclean and a vampire. They want to use Elspeth as bait. BUT!!!! They then find out that Elspeth is a Psi-vampire herself! She has to exist on the energy of living things!

Caution! Angst! )

So Alaric and Marti'el come on motorcycles to save her, even though Marti'el has just found the cure to vampirism. There's no time to give it now! They're in a sword fight with the baddies and Elspeth LOVES LOVES LOVES Alaric so much that she uses her now hated Psi-vampire ability to drain the life energy out of his enemy, and Alaric bites and turns his enemy into a vampire. Even though he hated and despised and angsted over being a vampire. Yeah. They're doing the things they hate the most about themselves, all for LOOOOVE!

And then the Elven high council materializes, tells Marti'el they were holding Alaric's cure back till the time was right--which is now, by the way--it's okay to keep him from killing people now, that the war against darkness on their homeworld is won, and everyone can come home, including Elspeth as Alaric's bride! And they know all about Elspeth and her future with them! Yay Team!

And everyone's okay with this???

And then they all rode off on motorcycles into the sunrise.

And it ended.

Sweet Jesus, it ended. 98 3/4 pages. It ended. And I hate, hate, HATE [ profile] laughingimp for doing this to me. I think he's strawberry scented elegance for doing this to me.
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