crevette: (Self-rimming--Cgwriting)
Okay, so consultation went well, I suppose.


I talked to the doctor, explained I've been actively bleeding for the past two weeks, explained about the loss of five pairs of panties and two pairs of pants in a 36 hour period.

I asked if there was a way to take out my uterus, give it to a taxidermist to have it stuffed and made into a punching bag so that I could nail it to the wall and viciously punch it a few times before I left for work every morning.

They laughed at me. I guess they don't realize how serious I was.

Anyways, they then had to do something called an 'endometrial biopsy' to be sure that everything was okay and there was no cancer that would be boiled away.

I just looked at her funny and she said, "Not like you'd think it's a bad thing, but that's not the way to treat cancer."

Okay, then.

The procedure consists of them 'washing' your cervix with iodine, and then taking a stiff drinking straw and sticking it through your cervix into your uterus.

For those sort of shaky on the biology aspect, the cervix is a firm muscle that basically feels like the tip of your nose. It opens slightly during orgasm and during menustration, but mostly remains shut tight as tupperware except when you are birthing a baby when it dilates to ten centimeters.

Mind you, birthing a baby hurts because of contractions. Contractions are caused by the cervix dilating. Cramps during your period hurt because the cervix dilates.

Ergo, someone shoving something up your cervix when it is not wanting to be open = PAIN.

Then, not only do they stick said stiff straw THROUGH your closed cervix, they use the end of said straw to POKE HOLES in the lining of your uterus all around. Poke poke poke poke pokity mcPOKE. Said poking also hurts like a son of a bitch.

Then they take out the straw and tap BLOODY CHUNKS of your uterus into a vial so they can get it tested. BIG BLOODY CHUNKS.

Mind you, I wouldn't care much that they turned my uterus into an internal bag of Capri Sun except that IT IS STILL ATTACHED. AND IT FUCKING HURTS.

So I am in pain right now. And bitchy.

But happy because my ablation has been scheduled for 8/29. YAY!!!

COUNTDOWN, BABY.

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September 2016

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